It Think It's Finally Happened...

Writer's block.

What can I say? I was a nonbeliever in writer's block for a long time because it just wasn't a problem for me. To me it seemed like you either had the inspiration and drive or you didn't. Well, that theory has come to bite me in the butt. The funk I've been in has turned into full disability. If it's not writer's block, well, then I don't know what to call this phenomenon.

Even after finding that new determination and making plans on exactly how I was going to push through this, I've faltered and fallen flat.

Whatever WIP I open screams "bad, bad, bad," and "you don't have what it takes" at me. I read over anything I've written from four years ago to last week and I just can't stomach it. If I can't stand to read my own writing why should I expect anyone else to?

*Sigh*

My well of ideas seems to have dried up, too. I just can't think of a new idea that will spark my writer-drive and get me going again. Everything I think of just doesn't have the potential or it's only a fraction of an idea that needs a lot of developing, and then I can't figure out how to develop it into something fresh and original.

Am I just scared to admit to myself that I don't have what it takes? Writing is the one constant hobby I have had and sure I'll probably write off and on for the rest of my life, but I wanted it to be the thing I would actually be good at. The thing I could succeed at. I wanted to publish.

I think it might be time to let go of that dream.

Good Books for Me This Week

I've been invited by my bookstore to a "Twilight Til' Dawn" party for the release of "Breaking Dawn" Friday night. Will I go?

Nope.

I'm just not that gungho about it. I keep imagining lots of peppy, screaming preteens and teens bounding all over the bookstore with glee. I must admit, I've never been to a midnight party for a YA book, or any book for that matter, so maybe my imagination has gone into overdrive. And, I guess I just value my sleep too much.

I will be picking up my reserved copy on Saturday though to join the ranks of weekend readers.

Meanwhile, I finally bought "The Year of Secret Assignments" by Jaclyn Moriarty. Neither of the pathetic book stores in my town ever have it so I finally ordered it online.

I can't wait to read both of these!

Strangeness

This isn't really related to writing but I felt compelled to post anyways.

Imagine...

You accidentally discovered that someone has the same name as you (first and last,) seems to have very similar hobbies, and happens to have the EXACT name you wanted for your business for the SAME type of business - would you be a little weirded out?

Yea... this has happened to me and I'm still reeling. It's like I have an alter ego out there, except, not really even altered...cause she's like the same as me, just looks different. Or maybe I feel like my identity was stolen or she's living the life I SHOULD be living... I just don't know.

Obviously there are many things that are different about each of us, but, seriously, it's just weird. The name of the business involved is almost like a trademark for me... that's partially why it's SO ironic.

Fiance thinks I need to contact her and tell her about the weirdness that is us, but I'm afraid I'll come across as a freak as I try to explain this ironic situation.

I wouldn't blame her either... I'm a little freaked out myself.

Dr. Horrible

If you can't catch Joss Whedon's absolutely fabulous Dr. Horrible by tonight (when it will vanish from free internet forever) do not despair!

It's going to be available for download for a few bucks on Itunes, and, AND, a DVD (with extras!) will soon be following. I am telling you now: It is worth every penny. Most especially if you are already a Joss Whedon fan.

Joss Whedon is pretty much my all-time hero, a-yup, it's true.

You Must Read This!

This has to be one of my favorite blog entries I've read, definitely. You have to read it if you're a writer!

Warning: The consumption of liquids during the reading of this blog is strongly ill-advised.

Libba Bray: Writing a novel - a love story.

Enjoy!

Fabulous!

I finished reading Tips on having a Gay (ex) Boyfriend by Carrie Jones only hours after starting it. I just couldn't put it down. Turns out Jones' main character Belle has it a lot worse than I did (not complaining here) but there were a great many hilarious lines and mixed emotions I could still relate to.

From the cover to the acknowledgments, this book is a jewel. It's going on my highly recommended list, so if you haven't read it, do so!

I'm left to wonder though - how many of us have actually had a gay ex-boyfriend? I seem to be tragically attracted to gay men myself... I can recall having the hots for three gay guys during my high school years (yea, that went nowhere fast) and then, of course, there is the one I actually dated (though he considered himself bi-sexual, I guess.)

Any in your past?

Reading Right Now...

I just started reading Tips on Having a Gay (ex) Boyfriend by Carrie Jones and I'm really excited! So far it's great! I actually went through a somewhat similar situation in high school so I think this book is going to be bitter-sweet - a total kick.

What are you reading right now?

Writing and...Elephants?

So far so good with the new determination! I wrote over 5,000 words between yesterday morning and this evening. I'm satisfied with that. I hope I can keep it up.

Perhaps more importantly, or more amusing, at least, are the elephants. Yes, the elephants.

Yesterday my twenty-one-month-old daughter announced in the car whilst running errands that there were elephants in the strawberry field. Not in so many words, but it was quite clear with the pointing and the repetition of "it's an elephant, it's an elephant, it's an elephant" that there were elephants somewhere out there. I apparently missed them, ahem, but I was heartily amused.

And then, this evening, she looked out the front window and announced "it's an elephant" yet again, but here's the best part - she looked at me with glee and cackled, yes, cackled.

I'm SO proud.

I'm seeing good times and great story fuel in my future here. Especially when baby #2 (on the way) can contribute to the madness.

New Determination

"It is the size of one's will which will determine success."

After soaking up some much needed support from amazing friends and my wonderfully supportive fiance, I think I've found fresh determination.

I'm just going to write. The simple way. No compulsive editing. No looking back. No crying over spilt words. Just - writing. In its purest problem-infested form.

Yup, and once I get the hang of pushing through again? What then? I'm going to make myself finish all the major works I've started. I beleive there are four or five that I've invested quite a bit of time and word count into and those are my targets. Even if they aren't stories I see myself publishing anymore, I think I need to finish them for the sake of finishing them. Besides I could use the practice. Heck, maybe one of them will regain my love and respect.

We'll see. I'm just going to take it one day at a time (days hopefully filled with writing) and see where it takes me.

A Problem Among Many

Sometimes it seems the more I invest in writing the less I have to show for it. I spend hours reading books, reading blogs, reading forums, researching, learning, etc. but I spend comparatively few hours writing.

The other problem is my injured confidence. I've become so focused on what supposedly works and what doesn't that I'll spend hours writing the same paragraph over and over trying to create the paragraph that will please the masses. I'm not letting my muse guide me anymore - I'm trying to force its hand. I don't need to consult the masters of muse to know this is NOT good.

But, I've recognized the problem and maybe I can step back from the expectations and muse-wielding to just focus on my writing. I'm sure hoping, cause what I'm doing right now is not getting me anywhere.

Has anyone else run into a similar problem in their writing journey?

Who Would You Be?

Wow! I can't believe I haven't posted since May 18th. Shame on me. Sorry for the vanishing act.

Now, something simple to get me back to blogging....

On a parenting forum I frequent we post a lot random questions and polls to placate our boredom. One of the many was as follows and I thought it was a fabulous question to ask my fellow writers and readers!

"If you could live the life of any one fictional character who would it be?"

So, I ask... who would you be?