DONNA GALANTI GUEST POST AND JOSHUA AND THE LIGHTNING ROAD GIVEAWAY

Happy Wednesday Everyone! Today I'm thrilled to have author Donna Gallanti here with a guest post  on getting past the agent gatekeeper. She was an intern at Jennifer De Chiatra Literary Agency so has excellent advice on this. And she's giving away a copy of her MG fantasy, JOSHUA AND THE LIGHTNING ROAD. Details of the giveaway will be at the end of the post. I love fantasies and this one sounds fantastic.

Here's a blurb from Goodreads:

Stay away from the window, don’t go outside when it’s storming and whatever you do, do not touch the orb.

Twelve-year-old Joshua Cooper’s grandpa has always warned him about the dangers of lightning. But Joshua never put much stock in his grandpa’s rumblings as anything more than the ravings of an old man with a vast imagination. Then one night, when Joshua and his best friend are home alone during a frightful storm, Joshua learns his grandpa was right. A bolt of lightning strikes his house and whisks away his best friend—possibly forever.

To get him back, Joshua must travel the Lightning Road to a dark place that steals children for energy. But getting back home and saving his friend won’t be easy, as Joshua must face the terrifying Child Collector and fend off ferocious and unnatural beasts intent on destroying him.

In this world, Joshua possesses powers he never knew he had, and soon, Joshua’s mission becomes more than a search for his friend. He means to send all the stolen children home—and doing so becomes the battle of his life.

GET YOUR MANUSCRIPT PAST THE GATEKEEPER!

Based on personal experience as a first-reader intern for the Jennifer De Chiara Literary Agency, I’m sharing what can get your manuscript past the gatekeeper (the intern!) and in the hands of the agent.

Was it a good story? Did it hold my attention? What are the most common stop-reading mistakes I experienced as a first-reader that led me to recommend the manuscript to an agent – or pass?

Here’s eight problems that could be plaguing your manuscript and keeping you from getting an agent.

1. WORLD BUILDING ISSUES

My First Reader Notes:
“The writer began with wonderful descriptive details drawing on all five senses and then she just stopped – and I stopped reading. She stopped grounding us in the story.”

Is there is a richness missing in your manuscript?
Answer questions like these:
Where are we? Another planet? Another town? A different world? Are these worlds like ours, but different? How? What are the differences? Lack of sun? Is the air the same? Different?

We need to ground the reader in the story, otherwise they are lost. Where are your characters in the

scene?
EXAMPLES:
Are they outside? “The earth was all gravel beneath my feet.”
Are they in a tunnel? “The stale air threatened to choke me.”

Through dialogue you can show time and distance.
EXAMPLES:
“Tom’s house was just two miles away…takes a day’s walk to get there…I hadn’t been back since last summer.”

TIPS:
• Write out a timeline of story.
• Draw a map of your setting/world/town. (see mine here)
• Show us the world through the character’s eyes.

 

2. UNEVEN NARRATIVE FLOW

My First Reader Notes:
“The writer needs to vary sentence type. The manuscript is filled with chunks of short sentences and long sentences.”

Is your prose “jabby?” Do you notice that you have too many punchy sentences in a row? Look to intermix with longer sentences to give the reader a chance to breathe.

Is your manuscript bogged down with adverbs? Could dialogue or action could be used instead of multiple adverbs? Does your writing feel cumbersome with lots of –ing words?

TIPS:
• Look to remove unnecessary internal dialogue that slows the pace down.
• Make a list of repetitive words then go back and search and replace.
• Do not report on every physical response. This can weigh the story down. Trust the reader to fill in the blanks with their own imagination.
• Use one word that has the most meaning instead of several to describe something.
• Do a global search for adverbs and point-of-view filter words (realized, noticed, saw, etc.)

3. TELLING NOT SHOWING

My First Reader Notes:
“The writer tells more than she shows, especially with emotion. For much of the book we continually

read that Jill’s heart or chest is bursting, it’s heavy, it’s light, sobs are being torn from it, it’s pumping, guilt nibbled at her heart, it’s hammering, it’s aching, it’s thumping or she can’t breathe. There’s too much reliance on histrionics.”

TIP:
Go thru your manuscript to see where to break up long sections of dialogue that contain little setting, action, or reactions. We can’t create an emotional connection through a telling narrative. We need interactive dialogue with reactions to want to care about the characters and the story. We need to convey true emotion in a unique way

4. INFO DUMP & REPETITION

My First Reader Notes:
“The story wanders for four chapters until we get to the inciting incident that launches us into the story and sets the main character on his journey.”

TIP: Thrust us right into the story and reveal the main character’s desires and motivations right up front. The reader will catch up later.

When it comes to repetitiveness, say it once in the right place. Say it twice or three times and the reader feels stupid. It can reveal an emerging writer not confident in their writing.

TIP:
Start with an info dump? Move it. Cut it up. Blend in later. Ask yourself, what is the incident that starts the character on his journey? YOU know it all – but the reader doesn’t need to know it all. Be selective in what you reveal and when you reveal it.


5. STOPPED THE STORY TO EXPLAIN

Do you have “You See Bob” moments in your story where you feel the need to stop and explain? Well…don’t.

My First Reader Notes:
“We are constantly taken out of the story as the author stops to narrate about Sally: Sally was five ten. She had deep green eyes and blonde hair that was thick and mid-shoulder length. She played flute in the orchestra and three days a week worked at the hospital gift shop…etc. etc. etc.”

TIPS:
• Rewrite this section in the character’s voice to see how much stronger this scene can be told, or show us the main character from another character’s point of view.
• Incorporating dialogue and body language can provide another character’s point of view without breaking away from the voice the scene is written in.

6. UNNECESSARY DIALOGUE

My First Reader Notes:
“The dialogue feels flat and not necessary to move the story forward or reveal something about the characters. Instead, it’s used as backstory and false world building facilitators, telling readers what the author wants them to know through long passages.”

How to beef up your dialogue?
• Check for blocks of dialogue and cut up.
• Incorporate dialogue in creative ways such as through journal entries, character quizzing, or action scenes.

Are you writing in the first person? It’s hard to avoid using “I this” or “I that” in first-person narrative but you must find alternate sentence structures to reduce those “I” sentences. It will bring your readers closer to your character.

AN EXAMPLE from edits with my middle grade book Joshua and the Lightning Road:
Before: “I searched for Charlie in the dark but I couldn’t make out the heads on other bunks.”
After: “In the dark it was hard to make out the heads on the other bunks. Where was Charlie?”

Try this throughout the novel. Your readers will thank you for it.

Too many exclamations in your dialogue? A character that is always hollering is not a fully dimensional character. How else can you write that sentence/scene to convey urgency? You don’t want your main character to be remembered as one who yells a lot.

7. HAS A GREAT HOOK THEN DOESN’T FOLLOW THROUGH

Is your story more than a good idea? It must be a great story that is executed on.

TIP: Outline the purpose of each scene/chapter and connect it to the story arc and character arc to strengthen the story and move it along. Everything your characters do must have purpose and consequences.
Write out:
Outer turning point: in each scene which things change that everyone can understand.
Inner turning point: in each scene which the point-of-view character also changes as a result.

Do your characters have a special condition? Are they a burn victim, blind, or an amputee? If so this must play a role in the story. Don’t offer it to us as a promise to be part of the story and not deliver on it.


8. TOO MUCH ACTION OR TOO LITTLE

Could your action be bogged down?

My First Reader Notes:
“In action scenes I was slowed down by long, descriptive sentences such as ‘I slipped over the excessively waxed floors as my toes took on the wrinkled texture of raisins; squishing together like slimy slices of sautéed mushrooms.’ Descriptive sentences like these forced me to pause during chase scenes to create this complex visual before moving on.”

Can there be too much action in your story?
Is your story too active, too reactive, and over-dense with words, concepts and emotions? This makes for a frantic tale. It comes at you from every angle and is exhausting. The desire should be to invite readers to turn the pages, not run for cover.

Deciding HOW and WHEN to reveal information is crucial. Decide on your method used to make a big reveal to increase pacing and tension. HINT: Don’t bury it in the middle of a paragraph!

TIPS:
• Move story along by cutting out extra, unnecessary details in action moments.
• Don’t have your character waffle back and forth! Chart their growth as they grow in the story.
• Incorporate the setting to add a richer layer to the story instead of using biological emotion. Take a break from the action, let it explode all around, then let it settle and give your character time to digest and reflect on all that has happened. They need to breathe (and so does the reader).
• Weave in only the necessary information throughout the story to keep the reader’s interest, keep tension high, keep the reader wondering, and keep it dramatic – no matter the genre.


If you revise your manuscript with these issues in mind, you could strengthen your story with enough power to get it past that agent gatekeeper. As a first-reader intern I recognized many of the same issues in my own work and this helped me improve my own story, leading to an agent and a two-book deal.

Literary agents are overwhelmed with submissions from writers of all levels and their time is limited – allowing them to be choosier than ever with the titles they represent. Help them choose yours!

**GIVEAWAY** Donna is offering one copy of her debut middle grade fantasy novel Joshua and the Lightning Road to a random commenter. E-book or print. U.S. only.

About Donna:
Donna Galanti attended an English school housed in a magical castle, where her wild imagination was held back only by her itchy uniform (bowler hat and tie included!). There she fell in love with the worlds of C.S. Lewis and Roald Dahl, and wrote her first fantasy about Dodo birds, wizards, and a flying ship. She’s lived in other exotic locations, including Hawaii where she served as a U.S. Navy photographer. She now lives with her family and two crazy cats in an old farmhouse, and dreams of returning one day to a castle. Donna is the author of the Joshua and The Lightning Road series (Month9Books) and blogs at Project Mayhem. Visit her at www.donnagalanti.com or on Amazon.

Praise for Joshua and The Lightning Road:
"Vividly imagined characters in a gripping action fantasy that never lets you go until the very last page." —Jenny Nimmo, New York Times bestselling author of the Charlie Bone series

Joshua and the Lightning Road is available for pre-order now from these book sellers:
Amazon: http://amzn.to/1Iu6ETw

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1DBVtc9

You can also check out Donna’s pre-order iPad Mini giveaway:
http://www.donnagalanti.com/pre-order-joshua-and-the-lightning-road-win-an-ipad-mini-5-star-review/

Website: http://www.donnagalanti.com/

YouTube: http://bit.ly/1ceMMdd

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DonnaGalanti

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DonnaGalantiAuthor

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20983429-joshua-and-the-lightning-road

 

Donna has generously offered a e-book or print  copy of JOSHUA AND THE LIGHTNING ROAD for a giveaway. To enter, all you need to do is be a follower (just click the follow button if you’re not a follower) and leave a comment through May 16th. I’ll announce the winner on May 18th. If your e-mail is not on your Google Profile, please leave it in the comments.

If you mention this contest on Twitter, Facebook, or your blog, mention this in the comments and I'll give you an extra entry. This giveaway is for US only.

Marvelous Middle Grade Monday was started by Shannon Messenger. Find all the other middle grade bloggers on her blog.

Here's what's coming up:

Next Monday I have an interview with debut author Jenny Martin and a giveaway of her YA science fiction TRACKED.

Next Wednesday I have a guest post by debut author Sharon Huss Roat and a giveaway of her YA contemporary, BETWEEN THE NOTES. 

The following Monday I have a guest post by debut author Holly Bodger and her agent, Lauren MacLeod, with a query critique giveaway and a giveaway of 5 to 1, Holly's futuristic, multicultural story.

Hope to see you on Monday!